Hormonal thought

As a (real) productive woman, you have to experience period moment once a month, and i can tell ya that it’s kinda annoying.

Not to mention the uncontrollable blood pop out from your v, or the pain on your stomach, you are also affected by hormones which control your emotion and thought. 

My hobby when im getting period is being emotionally sad. It doesnt mean the real sad, but kinda hormonal-sad, like you dont have any idea why you feel sad but you feel really sad. I have discussed with several female friends and they even told they sometimes cry for no reason. Somehow, the sad-broken-youdontwanttoremember moments flashed back, even in your dream (nightmare). Funny isn’t it but thats damn true. I usually combat this unclear feeling by watching funny movie or do anything that can make me laugh.

Second is overthinking. Being in period sometimes make you weak/sick and have to take a rest therefore give you plenty time to do nothing. Then you will start to think thing you dont want to think but have no idea why your brain start to think of it. Most of the overthinking materials are past failure, in the job, career, relationship (most of time). In the nutshell, it mainly leads to hobby number one, being sad. Cheh.
Blame the hormones.

Quora

One fine night, i captured this quora question and was fascinated with the answers:

https://www.quora.com/What-was-the-worst-day-of-your-life-and-why

It reminded me about what had happened recently. Past few weeks, i felt that i was the most miserable person in the world. I can tell that I always get what I want, but now I failed. This issue is completely uncontrollable, and no matter how hard I try, i already know the end of the tunnel. It was the worst time ever in my whole life, and I had never imagine I can experience this kind of broken. It did affect me significantly, while many times I reassured myself it did not. I always be the smartest one but now can’t even think clearly. I always be a happy kid but can’t smile effortlessly. I even hate the sound of laughter. It is funny to know how one thing can change someone easily. That was the real negative period of my life, and the hardest part was, I keep trying telling myself and the world that it was not. Glad I have so many things to do, so I have not much time left for myself, to start mourning.

Read that quora somehow made me realize that my problem is as small as a potato. People there told the hardest day ever of their life, and i can tell that mostly it is. If I were them, I really dont have any idea how to survive a day. 

Human can not choose. Human can do whatever they think it is the best, but all that will happen is God’s ultimate plan. Maybe, what we can do is only pray, asking Him to give us enormous acceptance heart. And i have to remind myself, this too shall pass, like the other I have been through before. 

Sensitive vs insensitive

I was born as an ignorant insensitive child, and i think none of other people’s business is mine. This kind of character is also implied to my brothers. I do not know whether it is genes issue or the way our parents raise us. Well, this post is getting nowhere. So basically what i am trying to say here that, ignorant people are most likely appeared as party which is stronger than the sensitive one. Therefore, we usually become the one that protect or are forced to understand the more-sensitive party.

Imho, that is unfair. Not because you are more sensitive, we have to please, take care of your emotion, and shit like that. Not because we are appeared like we have no emotion, we do not have it. Sometimes that sensitive party is too egoistic, needy, too attention-whore and blablabla.

Well, i guess i have to stop here.

H-4

Have to prepare my whole heart to let it go.

Tick tick tick time is ticking cruelly.

My action is reaction to yours.

Maybe surrender is the only choice.

Christmas Eve :D

I always love christmas eve. Its ambience, song, decoration, tree, ginger bread, gifts, santa, and the sale!!
I feel sooooo happy when it comes to christmas.

One that must be highlighted this year is our relatives who used to be against JC, invited us for xmas lunch! What a miracle!!

It can be said that this year christmas is too cute to be true.
Here is the snapshot for the cute xmas baby, xmas candle, xmas cookies, and xmas teddy bear tree. ❤️

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Nb: time flies, its already my 3rd xmas himless. And surprisingly, i am well-survived! :))

Merry christmas everyone!! Hope you have one as cute as mine. ❤

Random

Paling suka nyetel ac paling dingin, terus masuk ke selimut tebel. :3

When the line has a negative slope…

Tons of plans but don’t know which one that gonna be realized (and not pretty sure how to realize all of them).

School? Too hard to cope with one thing or/and two. Expected to experience delay, especially because of the essay and that f as hell-gmat. F hope not.

Love? In need of figure who can be the source of motivation and lifeguide but. Facing a fear to start and mess up everything (again).

Career? Too many changes that require another capability to adapt fast, lead to another expectation and (most likely) disappointment.

Pardon, tonight is her pessimistic show time.

Slap in my face

Recently, I met some old friends and new acquaintances who pursue similiar yet (much) bigger dream than mine. Start to have one conversation or two, wakes me up that it is always me who eliminates all the possibilities.
My pessimistic side within and my fear of failure, not to mention the fake friends who like to bring me down, have a great portion of obstructing me in aim higher, take the opportunity or risk, which mostly lead to my mood of unhappiness and regret.

Then, this article is a slap in my face.

30 Things To Start Doing For Yourself. #4 Is Absolutely Vital.

Here comes the highlights:
#11. Start giving your ideas and dreams a chance
#15. Start competing against an earlier version of yourself
#29. Start focusing on the possibility of positive outcomes

All great advices come to the conclusion that “do not fear of dream bigger and aim higher. Do not eliminate yourself. And regardless of how a situation seems, focus on what you do want to happen, and then take the next positive step forward”.

Well, I always love a nurturing reading on this saturday. 😌😌😌

Give me love – Ed Sheeran

Give me love like her,
‘Cause lately I’ve been waking up alone,
Paint splattered teardrops on my shirt,
Told you I’d let them go,

And that I’ll fight my corner,
Maybe tonight I’ll call ya,
After my blood turns into alcohol,
No, I just wanna hold ya.

Give a little time to me or burn this out,
We’ll play hide and seek to turn this around,
All I want is the taste that your lips allow,
My, my, my, my, oh give me love,
My, my, my, my, oh give me love,
My, my, my, my, oh give me love,
My, my, my, my, give me love,

Give me love like never before,
‘Cause lately I’ve been craving more,
And it’s been a while but I still feel the same,
Maybe I should let you go,

You know I’ll fight my corner,
And that tonight I’ll call ya,
After my blood is drowning in alcohol,
No, I just wanna hold ya.

Give a little time to me or burn this out,
We’ll play hide and seek to turn this around,
All I want is the taste that your lips allow,
My, my, my, my, oh give me love,

Give a little time to me or burn this out,
We’ll play hide and seek to turn this around,
All I want is the taste that your lips allow,
My, my, my, my, oh give me love,
My, my, my, my, oh give me love,
My, my, my, my, oh give me love,
My, my, my, my, oh give me love,
My, my, my, my, oh give me love.

M-my my, m-my my, m-my my, give me love, lover,
M-my my, m-my my, m-my my, give me love, lover,
M-my my, m-my my, m-my my, give me love, lover,
M-my my, m-my my, m-my my, give me love, lover.

🙂

Think on your feet

Result from this 2-day training:

I am A and C person which similiar to Jokowi and JK. 😀

A person tends to be the fastest in doing something and does not like basa-basi. He/she is always straight to the point since he/she is a result oriented and left-brained (logical). Weakness is, because sometimes decision was fast-made, the probability of making wrong thing is quite high.

C person is the friendliest, and has a great fear of losing friend. Process oriented, right-brained (emotional); therefore he/she always thinks the most comfortable way for both sides (that won’t hurt and insult) in delivering his/her opinion.

I also wonder why i can be the real combination of those totally-contra-type.

Well, that’s me.